Secret Talks

Personal Secret is described as something that is known to the person alone and not to any of his acquaintances. Lie is defined as an intentional false statement. They both are related as one leads to another.

Everyone keep secrets. To keep them hidden, they lie. There are various reasons behind. Most common are shame, loss of money, property, love desertion, to brag etc.

I have come across people who kept some weird secrets, told wonderful lies. Some of substance, some just for fun.

1. Kyunki…shhh
A college mate leads the pack. You know how it’s common to deride the ‘Saas-Bahu’ soaps. Well this friend of mine just loved them. The situation was precarious; he couldn’t dare to them watch openly, lest he became butt of all jokes. So he used to download and watch them all alone quietly. As fate would have it, he shared the folder by mistake across the network and the skeletons came tumbling out.

2. Categorically denied
Our society has been divided into class and caste and so is the college admission process. However in some a stigma of being a category student creeps in. Treatment meted out to them could be a reason. There was a guy in our batch, who lied about the same. I won’t go further into the reasons, as the discussion is complex. But when it came out in the open, it left everyone wondering.

3. Had a boyfriend
Most common of them all! Don’t tell about having boyfriend/girlfriend and keep yourself in the market. It’s okay for causal flirting but when done to take advantage, it becomes tasteless. A girl fooled around with a friend to get him to do the academic work allotted to her, while keeping the existence of her boyfriend hidden. Here’s a fact: ‘Guys only help Single Girls’. She knew this well. I can’t say that my friend really cared or so he said later on.

4. From Upstate
We often find people hiding their birth place. Across Europe, I have found people from Pakistan calling them Indians. In Mumbai, few people from UP, Bihar fake their origin to be Delhi. Sometimes out of being scared, sometimes otherwise. A friend of mine introduced himself in the first year as a Delhite. It was only in the final year that we came to know he was from Ghaziabad. He tried to justify by citing NCR. Well reasons can be aplenty. We do still poke him for the same.

5. Opener
A senior at college related to me a funny story. During their first year, a guy told everyone that he was the highest JEE ranked student of their batch. He was called Kholu (common term for rank opener). He enjoyed the limelight for a semester, at the end of which people came to know the truth. They started calling him nakli kholu. Why he lied is still a secret as he maintained his innocence all through.

6. Open the Closet
A serious issue with our society as far as homo-sexuality goes. I have known at least two people who kept it a secret, for obvious reasons though. Hopefully, in future the social stigma attached o it will wither away and people would not have to hide in the closet.

7. Uncle Sam
A first year student who was a localitie was being ragged. He dared the seniors, “My uncle is in ULFA, stay away from me or else don’t tell me I didn’t warn you”. Needless to say, he got away. The fun was, everyone knew he was lying but no one dared to call otherwise.

Walking Genius

There are times in life when we end up making fool of ourselves. One such incident happened to me lately. Made an a** of myself. I realized I am not alone. People like me walk among us. I would like to pay my respects to some such pals of mine.

PSO Padam Singh
Personal Security Officer of UP CM Mayawati, Padam Singh, bent down and wiped her dusty shoes. “I just noticed the dust on her shoes. I follow Clean India Green India campaign and wiped of the dust. What wrong have I done?”

Muammar Gaddafi
“They love me. All my people are with me. They love me all. They would die to protect me”, Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi gloated, laughing off international pressure to step down. When questioned as to how can he laugh it of, while he is slaughtering his own people, Gaddafi said, “I am just a happy person. I laugh all the time. More so since I started watching FRIENDS. Long live America!”.

S M Krishna
External Affairs Minister SM Krishna accidentally read out the Portuguese Foreign Minister’s speech at the UN.
“There was nothing wrong in it, I was just trying to learn some Portuguese”, clarified Krishna. A headline read, “Dear Krishna, all is forgiven. Don’t catch the wrong flight.”

Ratnakar Shetty
When asked whether it was unfair that only 4000 tickets would be sold to public for a game as important as the World Cup final, Shetty said the members of the clubs are also part of the “public” and so he disagrees that public is not getting any tickets.

Speechless! Well species like these are found in trio’s, lest they hurt themselves.

Haroon Lorgat
Some miscreants stoned WI team bus after Bangladesh’s shameful defeat. ICC CEO Haroon Lorgat played down the incident, calling it ‘minor’, pointing out that few individuals had thrown pebbles at the bus. This left WI team manager furious.

Bangladesh’s Cricket Board left the world further puzzled when it added that people mistook WI team bus to be Bangladesh team bus. They walk among us!

Hillary Clinton/Obama
US President Barack Obama pressurized Pakistan to treat Raymond Davis, who allegedly shot dead two men in Lahore, as a diplomat and release him. US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton reportedly “forced” Pakistan to confirm the diplomatic immunity for Davis while threatening to withdraw the $1.5 billion aid.

“Life of a US citizen with per capita $48000 is way more than that of two Pakistanis with per capita $1000. It’s pure statistics”, asserted Hilary while greeting Davis back home.

Manoj Tiwari BB
Fuming over his eviction from the ‘Bigg Boss’ house, Bhojpuri star Manoj Tiwari hit back at Salman Khan and his brother Arbaaz Khan for ‘scripting’ his eviction from the controversial reality show as a part of larger ‘conspiracy’ against Bhojpuri actors

Manoj Tiwari Fan Club president Manish Kumar, along with a bunch of followers protested against Tiwari’s eviction, claiming that ‘Bigg Boss’ ‘insulted’ the 26-crore Bhojpuri community.

Your’s Truly
Incident With-hold

The Day the Earth stood still

1996 was year that marked my generations tryst with cricket. Kirsten’s 188; Jayasurya’s revelations; Indo/Pak Q/F; the Eden heartbreak. It was a roller coaster ride of emotions. It had all, save the Heroic ending. The script seemed flawed; a job left unfinished.

Post ’98 Sharjah exploits, the team fell apart under the match fixing allegations. We were no longer a force in the world cricket. Two of the most controversial figures of Indian cricketing history the Raja and the Senapati fell and gave way to yet another controversial figure of all times. Though his were the controversies we took pride in.

Eden curse was cured by a Lanky personality who gave us reasons to be proud of. The high moon, the tide, the ebbs, the flows all became but adjectives when the cricketing history was re-written. A giant was born. The journey culminated in Jo ’burg when the mighty batting lineup was but a step away from laying its claim.

Albeit, that was not to be. Undone by a legend from down under, it paved way to of one of the most hate-filled cricketing rivalry. The Sydney fiasco was just waiting to happen. It turned out to be the Pearl Harbor of Indian cricket. We have never looked back since. The zeal, the aggression, the will has never been higher. Post 3 IPL’s, high dose of Indo-SL matches and a resurrection of The God of Cricket, it’s time to cross the final hurdle.

The SF match between Indo-Pak, was the most anticipated and followed match in the history of cricket. Everything was to its maximum. Imagine anti-aircraft guns around the stadium! I travelled from Mumbai to Pune to celebrate the festival with friends. With Holi/Diwali/Ganesh Pooja being celebrated with varying vigor across the country, the festival of cricket is the only one which whole nation celebrates equally.

The scenes I saw in Pune were unparalleled. The roads were jammed post the win. I could see thousands of bikes/cars/tempo/buses parading round the city. Flags/colors/sweets aplenty. The whole city was one. It was the day for no hatred.

On field/off field the camaraderie between the two nations was a sight to behold. The old sins were washed off. The 26/11 seemed a distant memory. One match turned the hostile relations between two nations onto its head, into Aman Ki Fuhaar.

My feet were trembling and emotions flowing unrestrained. It was day when 1/5th of humanity gasped in unison, It was a day when the Earth stood still.

IPL: Who said what, The truth

PC: Our Government is too afraid to give go ahead to IPL. Internal security, well it’s a thing of the past. Terrorist attack during IPL can cost us elections. I have been playing this cat and mouse to irritate the organizers. But these guys are too good for that and have been coming up with one schedule after another. Like I care.

Jaitley: Had we been at the Centre, we too would have done the same. But why let this opportunity to nail Congress go away.

Shashank Manohar: We have long been the pawn between the Centre and the State. We know that Govt won’t give the permission. We don’t want to waste any more time. We have a task in hand to make money. Let us concentrate on that.

Lalit Modi: I haven’t slept for over a month now. My hair look scary. My eyes look scary. My only wish was to be the strongest man in Cricket. That I am. Now to sustain that I want IPL to happen. I just wish it happens in India coz here the costs are low and I can make more money.

Security Forces: We don’t have modern equipments. We don’t have necessary man power. We don’t have guns. We don’t have ammunition. We haven’t received any credible intelligence report for long. We know we would be blamed if anything happens. Yet we are ready to give it our best. Last time when we went to save Taj, we were surprised the Durbaan didn’t stop us at the gate. I remember once going there with my family. The Durbaan didn’t let us in, sensing that we don’t have enough money. When would we be paid well, to be able to dine at Taj not die at Taj.

CPI-CPM: Blame govt, blame BJP, blame media, blame USA, blame pakistan, blame blame blame…blam blam blam…bla bla bla.

Rahul Gandhi: IPL should happen in India. It is a matter of national prestige.
Sonia Gandhi: Hush…hush.  When will this child grow up. I am just fed up of him.

Manmohan Singh: I am coming straight from the operation theatre. I haven’t asked Soniyaji what to speak. Soniaji, Soniaji. Where is Soniaji?

Narendra Modi: Make me PM if you want IPL in India. If there would be no Indian Premier League (IPL), I promise you we won’t let Pakistan Premier League (PPL) to take place ever. I have decided to launch my own IPL team, Rama: The Saviours.

Pakistan: Welcome to the family. After such a long time, we stand united.

Common Man: Wow what a month. News channels kept me entertained.

Why fear when Obama is here

Obama! Obama! Obama! This man has been all over for a good two years now. Be it television, news papers or just the talk round the corner. It seems as if no one has anything better to do. Obama keeps a Hanuman with him, Obama lived in Pakistan, Obama has a brother in Africa. Obama this, Obama that. I am simply fed up.

Our national news channels have portrayed Obama as the savior of mankind. As if he is not just the President of United States but of the entire world. Everyone loves Obama talk, his vision, his speech and his charisma. Obama is being seen as once and for all solution to the problems of one and all. So much so that a kid in my locality is quite sure of getting good marks in exams this year now that Obama is the President of US. My colleagues at office, who till now were weary of the financial depression, are looking up. Its like, “Why fear when Obama is here”.

A news channel went as far as comparing Dhoni with Obama. Apparently they both share a desire to win, flamboyancy and a never say die attitude. It went further to comment that both Dhoni and Obama looked similar when in white clothes. It looks as if everyone is enjoying his own bit of Obama. There was a discussion that the “New Leader”, predicted by Nostradamus, has arrived in the name of Obama. I have had it from this Nostradamus guy. Every year the book fattens. Can somebody please decipher what he predicted earlier than when it actually happens?

I sincerely hope, now that he has become the President, he would be busier in running the nation and we would be spared, him all the time on television. I read his book, “The Audacity of Hope”. Regardless of my being fed up with his face, I really liked the guy. I mean it really require some guts to joke about the rhyming of one’s name with Osama. He himself writes that people considered his political career all but over when the two planes crashed into the twin towers. Let me add something to all the hoopla surrounding Obama. I really admired the honesty in his writings, just like the one which was found in My Experiments with Truth and one which seemed missing in the recent writings from senior political leaders.

Terrorism Apologist: What does it really mean?

Recently I was having a discussion with my friends over Mumbai terror attacks. It started from Taj, moved over to the usual Pak bashing to Jehadi terrorism to the sensitive topic of role of Indian Muslims. One suggestion was a stern action against the terrorists wiping out each and every sleeper cell in the country. It supported a free hand to security agencies to do what needs to be done. It was countered by equally deft argumnet that not all Muslims are terrorists and that terrorism has no religion. No sooner was this statement made than there was an off-cut remark about us being terrorism-apologists. I was very much intrigued with the term terrorism-apologist. I tried to Google it out but it seemed to be a relatively new term and not much could be found. I found few articles in which this term was used. No exact definition was found though.

From the articles and reports in which it was used, lets try and find the real meaning of the term terrorism-apologist.

During war on Iraq too, this term “terrorism-apologist” was much in circulation in US. There was a professor at UT-San Antonio who was termed a “terrorism-apologist” in an article. My understanding of the term goes something like this, terrorism-apologists don’t try and justify the terror attacks as the term might suggest. It’s clearly not their intention. What they do is raise some social issues in the support of the terrorists. According to them, it’s we who have made them terrorists (coz agar hum naa hote, toh yeh terrorist bhi naa hote waala funda), so it’s we who are to apologize for making a terrorist out of them. Let’s be fair, they don’t defend and justify the work of terrorists, they try and defend the terrorists instead. They invoke the cause and effect theory as an argument.

To quote the professor from the said article, “It is rejection of U.S. and British policies in the Middle East, not Islam, that has promoted terrorism against America…95 percent of Middle Easterners are Muslims…it is only natural that those opposing the United States and Britain in the region would be Muslims. In India, they would have been Hindu; in Latin America or Northern Ireland, they would have been Catholic.”

Their arguments that, “Islam does not preach terrorism” and “Not all Muslims are terrorists” is well respected and not much disputed, but usually they tend to overdo themselves, create a ruckus thereby posing as a hindrance to the security forces.

I found once such example in India recently. A leading lady from Bollywood tried to connect terrorism with the poor and illiterate state of Muslims, “Injustice to Muslims is the foundation of terrorism”, she commented. To quote her further, “Do you know what percent of Islamic population is living below the poverty line? It’s 40%…There are certain segments of the society which have not got its due, whether you agree or not…When people are poor and have no where to go, they have no choice but to turn into radicals…”.

Ideally her views should have created mixed feelings. However given the backdrop of Mumbai attacks, there was an outrage against her comments and she needed to tender an apology. One may find her to be a terrorism-apologist. After all, Naxalism and Terrorism are two different phenomenons. Let’s not try and mix them. Those who mix them may be termed terrorism apologists.

Some say that this whole idea is nothing but a figment of imagination of the right wing people. But again the issue is open for contention. Maybe next up for discussion should be Naxalism v/s Terrosim for us to get a clear answer to our Holy Grail.